Monday, April 21, 2008

How NOT to fix your knitting




Dear crafters and creative types, please don't try this at home.

1. Knit a cute little scarf and sort of try it on as you go yet still manage to make it at least 4" too long.

2. Try it on, see how long it is and be sad :( Since it's late at night and your back hurts and your hands are kind of sore, decide it's the perfect time for radical knitting surgery.


3. Get out the kitchen scissors, don't even think about digging out your good sewing scissors!


4. Sort of eyeball it and whack off a big section in the middle of your knitting. Look at it, decide you might be on the right track, and then watch the little stitches fall apart before your eyes. Mutter obscenity of your choice.


5. Decide you should try sewing it together on the machine. Also decide you're not going to use the proper needle for knit fabric and don't bother to use matching thread. Hey, you've come this far, why start doing things right now?


6. You're a loose knitter so your scarf is pretty drapey, this lead to sorrow at the sewing machine. There is much much stretching. Your seam looks like this:





Actually, this is how it looked after it had been "fixed" some more, imagine more loose ends and such. Oh, and don't forget to run out of bobbin thread 1/2" before the end of the seam and don't bother to refill it, just let it be.

7. Watch the knitting fall apart at the end of our seams. Panic and grab a crochet hook. Any size, the less appropriate for your project, the better. Do some bizarre made up overcast crochet stitch thingy and think it's a great solution. Watch as the stitches pop out at the ends and the seam gets even thicker.

8. Decide the best end to all this is to cover it up with craft felt. Oh yes. And make sure to sew it on with big sloppy stitches because you're more than a little annoyed at your project at this point.






This is the inside back of the beast. This is why I don't want to wear it out. If I wear it with my hair down you can't tell anything is wrong, but I'm paranoid about people wanting to see the back. But who would want to see the back? Knitters. Knitters always want to see the back.


So that's my story. I hope people don't think I fix everything like this, it was more of a one time lapse of judgement caused by tiredness and lack of cookies.

5 comments:

ellie said...

But told so well!

Jenny said...

Oh man. Lack of cookies? No wonder.

Hilarious :) Knitters will want to see the back, it's inevitable. Darn picky knitters. At least you'd have a great story for them.

Just tell them about the cookies. They'll understand.

torrance said...

Oh sweety! That's so adorable :D Thank you for sharing

JFibers said...

i think i have the matching brother of this piece at my house... weird, that we both have such lapses in good knitting judgement.. hee hee hee

knittingtwit said...

So funny! I want to knit this but there seems to be a lot frustration about the pattern.....

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